I used to hate the word “networking.” It made me cringe to think that I’d have to glad-hand some stranger in an attempt to get referrals from them. I’m not the kind of guy who uses people for my own ends, so I shied away from it entirely. In addition, those networking groups always felt icky to me. As a lawyer, some of these groups even had a vaguely unethical feel.
Still, gurus of marketing shouted, “Get out there and network.” Why the heck would I want to network with a bunch of strangers? I’d rather spend time with my friends and family members, surrounding myself with people I enjoy.
To be a successful lawyer, it was said, one needed to network actively to get a constant stream of referrals. So for years I struggled. I’m a naturally shy person, so it didn’t come easy to me.
But over time I’ve come out of my shell, making friends along the way. I don’t network, I’m just being myself. I like having people around me, and I genuinely enjoy the friendships I’ve made. Common interests, same sensibilities. Eventually I got invited to speak at conventions held by the National Association of Consumer Bankruptcy Attorneys, National Association of Consumer Advocates, and other local and national groups. I was sharing knowledge lawyer to lawyer, not networking.
But a funny thing happened on the way. I started getting referrals from my friends. And I started sending them referrals, not in a give-and-take sort of way but rather because I trust these people. See, what I was doing was networking all along. Not the way I thought it would work out, but the way it’s supposed to work out.
Then I came across this excellent post at Duct Tape Marketing about the keys to a referral relationship. It’s a good read and underscores the need for trust in any relationship. Because that’s why referral networks don’t work – they don’t change the need to trust the other person, they only stick a bunch of people in a room and force things.
In about a month my friends will be coming together for a conference in Philadelphia. I’ll be in New York witnessing the birth of my first child. And though I’m more excited about this than about anything else in my life, I’m going to miss my friends. I’ve referred work to them and they’ve referred work to me but I don’t want to see them so we can “do business.” Nope, I’m going to miss them because we have fun together and this is one of the few times each year we can catch up with one another.
So go out there and have fun with your friends. Be yourself, have a great time and stop standing in the corner.
Image credit: Club KLM/Flickr
