Are You Even At The Party?

Once upon a time, a man walked into a party.  He found out about a party from a sign on a streetlight in his neighborhood and decided to check it out.  Here’s what happened to him.

This party we’re talking about took place on a Saturday night when Steve’s wife was away with the kids visiting family members.  So Steve’s bored, sees the flyer and heads over to the house.  What he finds is incredible.  The house is full, the front yard is littered with people chatting and hanging out, and from the sound of it the pool area is hopping as well.

In fact, it looks as if just about everyone in his town is at this party.

As he walks by clumps of people he realizes that there are a million little conversations going on.  Some people are talking gardening, others debating the finer points of politics.  In fact, within the first few minutes he manages to hear snippets of conversations on a wide range of subjects.

Why did I not know about this before? Steve asks himself as he winds his way into the house.

But Steve doesn’t know anyone, so he’s a bit out of place.  Nervous, he fidgets with his cell phone and begins to review his emails.  He’s trying to be open, but he hasn’t been this uncomfortable since his first job interview.  So he reads an email and casually turns to the person closest to him in the hopes of striking up a conversation.

“Hey,” he says to a woman sipping a glass of white wine, “did you hear Congress is working on a fix to the mortgage mess?  If you ever need help, I can get you a modification.  My firm’s had a lot of success, in fact.”  He’s trying his best to be chatty, but new friend moves away pretty quickly.

Feeling even more awkward, Steve moves on in hopes of finding someone – anyone – he knows at this shindig.  But he’s lost, and after a few minutes he gives up.

As the front door he drops a stack of business cards on the table.  Then he’s gone, back home to the safety and quiet of his own home.

A Total Waste Of Time

Within moments, however, the cards are knocked off the table and never seen again.  Neither, for that matter, is Steve.  He knows the party is a total waste of time, and the rest of the partygoers … well, they never got to know Steve.

The shame of it is that lots of these people would have found Steve to be an immensely interesting, likable guy.  And had our hero taken the time to listen to what some people were talking about, he would have had a fine time as well.

Chances are pretty good that he wouldn’t have made a ton of new business contacts, but he would have walked away with a few friends.  Maybe a new tennis partner or fellow Springsteen fan.  Someone with a kick-ass recipe for chili, even.  At the very least, someone to talk to when the days at the office get long and tedious.  Whatever.

Serendipity Lurks Beneath The Surface

For each new friend Steve met at this party, he would have forged a new relationship based on trust and mutual respect.  He would have had the chance to meet someone new and let them know a little more about him.  Out of that personal bond may have grown a ton of opportunities for his law practice.  New people to meet, new professional opportunities, new ideas for growing his practice.  Perhaps a casual introduction to a journalist on the hunt for a good story, a colleague with a client to refer, or even a professional in a related industry.

But that wasn’t the point, was it?  The point was to get out there and mingle, have a good time and expose himself to new people and ideas.  In doing so, he would have left himself open to the possibility of something really cool happening.

That’s serendipity.

But without allowing himself to be exposed to serendipity, Steve’s just going home to watch reruns of Saturday Night Live.  Without opening himself up to the sheer joy of being among smart people and having a conversation with someone new, Steve’s limited his professional and personal world.

Go To The Party, Not Just To Leave Your Business Card

Lawyers are flocking to Twitter in droves, lured by the promise of new business and online legal marketing opportunities.  They’re not taking the time to learn how any of the platforms work; instead, they’re using services like SocialOomph, Twitterfeed, HootSuite and others to automate their presence.  They pump of a steady (or not so steady) stream of entreaties for people to call them for legal assistance, blog posts and promotional statements.  But ask them a question and you’ll find that there’s nobody there to respond.  That’s alright, though; these attorneys haven’t taken the time to interact with anyone, so nobody’s listening to them.

Meanwhile, other people are having quite a nice time.  They’re socializing, interacting and learning a thing or two.  There’s no grand strategy here, so don’t look for one.  It’s simply a case of being present for a little bit of time, getting to know the lay of the land, and bothering to connect with people they don’t know.

You may like them, you may hate them.  You will probably disagree with them now and again (I know I do).  But you’ll be engaged, widen your circle, and get exposed to others.

Will it lead to business?  For some, yes.  For others, not directly but you never know who you’re going to meet or what you’ll learn that might come in handy.

The goal is, as with Steve and the party, serendipity.  Being there and being present – not spitting out advertising and marketing stuff to a bunch of people who don’t know you enough to give a crap about anything you say – is what opens you to serendipity, that wonderful ability to trip over something really cool and, potentially, useful to you in your business.

Take a look at this video by Chris Brogan, which highlights my point:

I’m not telling you that automating part of your Twitter presence is bad – far from it, in fact.  But have you ever wondered whether the real reason you’re not getting any value out of it is because you’re not putting anything of value into it?

Questions?  Comments?

Photo credit:  Ross Tucknott (Flickr)